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I asked this same question more than three years ago. In fact, that was exactly 3 years and 1 month ago.

Is there that kind of a cycle that happens in everyone's lives? That "roller coaster" thing about life? Of course, not everyone's life roller coasters are created equal; some have very high highs and very low lows, some have little highs and little lows. But that's beside the point. The point is I'm at a low right now.

And I just recently received my masters' degree three weeks ago, although I unofficially submitted all requirements 5 months ago. I haven't been employed for 24 months of the last 26.5 months. Does that have something to do with this?

Talk about LOST. I'm at an intersection of three major highways. Do I take Highway 1, Highway 2, or Highway 3? If I take Highway 1, do I take the northbound side or the southbound side? If I take Highway 2, do I take the eastbound or the westbound? If I take Highway 3, do I go northeast or southwest? Where do I go from here?

Suddenly, I don't believe in these graduate programs anymore. But I guess it's not that. Somewhere along the way, I sort of lost interest in what I'm doing, although it's something I'm good at, and it's something I've loved and still love doing. But I guess as you grow old, new priorities come up.

You might be playing basketball every Tuesday and Thursday night with your buddies, and it's something that you absolutely love doing. But when your mother becomes ill or when you get married or when you now have a child, you will need to alter your Tuesday and Thursday routines, and your life certainly will change drastically. But it's not to say that you don't love basketball anymore, or that you love basketball less, or that you don't like to spend that much time with your buddies anymore. It's just that, there are new cards that have been dealt on the table.

For those of you who might be getting ideas... No, my mother is not ill (thank God), I am not yet married nor getting married soon nor am I having any child within the next couple of years, adopted, unplanned, or otherwise.

So what's wrong? Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. In fact, I think that having these numerous options in my career is such a big blessing. How many people in the world see only one option for their careers? I do believe we all have choices, we just need to see them. And here I am, I'm fortunate enough to have accepted the gift of sight. Now all I need is to know how to harness the power of the gift of wisdom and discernment.

So I believe that we all have these different gifts, and it's our choice if we'll use them or not. Of course, we might have been brought up by our parents in such a way that our brains automatically choose to not use a certain gift. For example, we may all have innate skills in entrepreneurship, but if we were brought up to study hard and get a safe and secure job with benefits, we might think being an entrepreneur is too risky.

Anyway, the point of this post is really, what do I wanna do? What should I do? I wish I have the answer right now. But I know I do, I just can't extract it from my mind just yet.

To do that, I planned on taking this exercise that I got the idea from Jim Collins' bestselling book, "Good to Great." By the way, it's a great book. (Reminder to self: post this also at the Coach Potato's Corner and create links to Amazon)

Anyway, Jim Collins talked about the "three circles" - three questions that executives of the "Good to Great" companies continuously asked themselves and their peers, and on which practically all their major decisions towards directing their business were based on. I am therefore looking at my individual self as an individual company, which I think is nothing new, although I do not recall if Jim Collins said that you could do something like that in his book.

Question 1
First is, What can you be the best in the world at? Oh, this answer is difficult to answer, but that is if by "world" we mean, the world. If the Philippines is my world, then sure. We have a few answers to that. Maybe even just one. I can be the best in the world in Structural Wind Engineering. I can also be the best in the world at English, or writing, or even in lecturing. Maybe I can write a book on Structural Wind Engineering, and practice and teach it also. So why not do those? See my response to the Question 2.

But, I can also be the best in the world at... business, or at software design and development, or at web design and development, and maybe a couple of other things, for as long as I will take time to study them. Oh, and I mean time. I'm looking at half a year at least upto one year to study any one of those, plus I'll need experience. In contrast, I have studied practically for 10 years to learn (some) Structural Wind Engineering and practiced practically 4-5 years of that whether in design or application, or in research.

Jim Collins also said something that struck me. He said something like, if I was very good in math let's say back in high school or in college, it does not mean that's what I could be the best in the world at. And that's precisely me. I was best in math, and best in physics back in high school. I was tutoring my classmates back then... Sure, there was passion there (see my response to Question 3). But is that really what I could be the best in the world at?

Unfortunately, I didn't know any better about what I really wanted to do, and so I somewhat accepted my parents' advice: study Civil Engineering. It made sense, I was good in math and physics, and engineering was about math and physics. Unfortunately also, I didn't know a thing about Civil Engineering, but yeah that's what I was going to college for. But no, what I meant was I don't know anything about the Civil Engineering profession. I didn't know they got paid less than people in other fields (this is true here and in other countries). And well, back then, I didn't know that I wanted more than what I could get from being a Civil Engineer. I just didn't know. So here I am.

Question 2
Question 2 is, What drives your economic engine? This question really means to ask, what thing, what single denominator has significantly coursed a company's growth and/or profitability towards previously unrealized highs?

I am stuck at this question, really. I do not know.

I used to look at this question to be similar to "What are your goals? What do you plan to achieve? What is your target monthly financial inflow?" I'll be honest. I want to earn at least P180,000 a month if I have a family of four (me, wife, and 2 children). I started at ~5% of that, and in 6 years, I can make ~17% of that from a certain employment opportunity. That has been so far a 2%-of-target annual increase in income per year. At that rate, I can reach my goal... Oh about 40 years from now. [sarcasm on] Great, I'll only be 70 by that time. Not bad, some people retire at that age. [sarcasm off] But really, with the annual inflation rate between 5%-8% in that past 6 years - can you see how much poorer I've really been? One other problem is, that P180,000 now will only be worth around P25,600 in today's value 40 years from now at 5% annual inflation rate. So really, to be there, I should be earning P1,267,000 a month at the value 40 years from now.

Of course, the good thing is, I have been able to set my target monthly income. Not a lot of people have actually done that. They earn X a month and spend practically X a month. They get a raise and now earn 2X a month, and then spend practically 2X a month. That's not how I would like to be. Sure, I can choose to have just X a month for years, if I can reach my target of 700X a month in so many number of years.

Anyway, that's not the question. What could drive my income generating power? Do I go and stick it out with that structural/wind engineering job? Right now, that is my sole income generating power. It can bring in the dough month in and month out. The problem is, I won't be seeing Question 3.

Anyway, now the follow-up questions are: Should I just change my target? Or should I look at other things that could drive my economic engine? But if I go in that direction, what about Question 1? Do I try to change that? Should I study and be the best in the world at something? Can I create something, an invention maybe, that I could be the foremost expert in the world at? Ah, here goes the options again. But hmmm... Things are clearing up. If I invent something and it becomes very profitable for me - that would be the greatest thing. I like "creating" things. Inventing things. Improving things. Creating something from nothing. Making things move, making things work. Solving problems. Or just simply, providing solutions.

So that is the problem, how do I make something profitable? And can I create something that can be profitable? I guess this is the direction I should take. And it's probably the one thing that I could be the best in the world at. I will need to study though, how to make it profitable.

Or I can hire someone to do that for me. Or I can find a business partner who can make my idea profitable for the both of us. Gee, that really is the point.

Question 3
Question 3 goes, What are you deeply passionate about? Sure, I have some passion for math, for programming, for engineering, for saving lives. But those are my basketball passions. I now have my new-baby passion: earning money.

By the way, I hope you don't look at me as some very money-hungry, very greedy guy. I do intend to donate to charity a significant portion of what I will earn. In fact at my target monthly income, I can donate four homes a year to four very poor families. That is still small, but if I do exceed my target monthly income, then I can give even more, because I do not intend to live a life much more luxurious than what my target monthly income can give me.

And again, it's not that I don't love my basketball. It's just that, I have aged. I have a new passion, which I did not see coming when I was younger.

Once I have found my economic driver, which also actually drives what I am deeply most passionate about at the moment, then I can address my other, basketball passions. And what am I the best in the world at? Thinking. Creating ideas. Creating solutions. And so on. And perhaps that's why I've been good at engineering.

Do I now have my answer to my original question - "How are you, Ronjie?"

Jim Collins also said that companies also ask "What am I not the best in the world at?" Right now, business and entrepreneurship and networking are things I am not the best in the world at. So I guess that's why I should find someone who is. After all, it's the WHO that should come before the WHAT.

So that's the question I should be asking... Who? With whom?

---

Anyway, how about throwing this back into the mix: I haven't worked for 24 months in the past 26.5 months! I need money, now! That's the problem... I guess that's the answer to the question, "How are you, Ronjie?": "I don't have income right now."

"Old age is not a license to disregard the law or the requirements of decent behavior toward others," a man said talking about an 80-something granny who was convicted for harrassing her neighbors, for shouting at them and "beating them up" with her walking stick.

There is this place I know where I've seen this violated time and time again - people in their old age getting or actually demanding extra special treatment, at the expense of other people. Those in their old age usually refer to one of the Ten Commandments, "Honor your father and your mother." Or for whatever they do, they might "request," "Can you forgive an old man (or lady)?"

I came across the blog of an old friend, and I just had to react. My friend had other interesting blog entries, but like I told her, her topic was what probably struck me the most. She was talking about having to leave the San Francisco Bay Area where she stayed for 2 years, I think. And there I was reading that blog entry, just a day after I "re-visited" San Francisco and Berkeley courtesy of Google Maps (also through Google Earth). Here is how my "conversation" with my friend went.


That blog entry:

lost

This is really weird. As I type, there’s something that’s happening in the world. Duh. You didn’t think that, did you? I mean you know that. But you didn’t think that. It’s like, you know how to drive and to stay on one lane, but you were DUI and you didn’t think about driving and staying on the lane, you just suddenly swerved. That is really weird.

This is really cool. I can view my laptop from a very different perspective, and it’s like ten times a zillion times cooler! I feel more comfortable… I mean looking at my laptop. It’s a whole new world. But typing-wise—supposedly it is more ergonomic, the fact that my palms are more rested…. But my back is hurting a bit because I don’t have lumbar support.

Alright, are these really thoughts? They’re no thoughts at all.

Here's another "thought" I wrote back in November 2, 2002:
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a saturday afternoon. thank God, it was a holiday for me (and for most of us filipinos) the last two days, which was thursday, and friday; eve of all saints' day, and all saints' day. the idea was, that all souls' day, which is today, is usually a special holiday, but since it's on a saturday, and so that people will get their dose of their usual, yearly 2-day all saints'/all souls' holiday, they made the eve of all saints' day a holiday.

now, i'm thanking God because, if it were just an ordinary saturday afternoon, i wouldn't have known how saturday afternoons can become so... good. sunday afternoons certainly are great, but i never knew that saturday afternoons can be like this.

because in previous saturday afternoons, i usually have my breakfast, and work my way around the house, getting myself to "really" wake up. because on friday nights, i spend it, and i mean really spend the whole of friday night to holler at the world, "what a week!" it has always been like that.

and thank God, i had only a three-day work week. i had thursday and friday as my usual "weekend", and i have today, saturday to rest my mind.

and to think, i almost had to work on those two national holidays, but for some reason, uncomprehensible to me still, i was free.

as i usually do, i spent my thursday and friday "weekend," sleeping, and spent my usual "friday night" last wednesday, spilling my guts out to the world.

and here i am, i have enough of clearness of mind to write something down, and i feel great. but not without doing nothing.

i had to take my (un)usual dose of a cup of dissolved caffeine, had two sticks of West Ice, said my prayers, had a nice bath, that would have been nicer if we only had a bath tub, and, i did a very little amount of household chores, watched two movies on HBO. ahhh. if only my saturday afternoons were always like this.

I just found this one bit of "thought" that I wrote on 28 September 2002:
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ahhh...

here in the philippines, (some) bs biology graduates end up as bank tellers.

for me, the civil engineer... the question is shall i take a PhD or an MBA... well, that is because, i want to be successful financially (here), because my dad does not own a civil engineering firm. i know a friend kasi who's around 29 pa lang and marketing ang job niya for this multi-national, and whoah, kaya niya nang buhayin sarili niya (and with more 12:00 and $ to spare).

there is certainly more money, and a sure financially comfortable life in "business" than in a "noble" profession such as civil engineering.

yung commercial nga ng san miguel beer, medyo... nationalistic siya. ang message niya is "dito sa pilipinas, pinakamagaganda ang mga babae at pinakamasarap ang beer." aba e, agree ako diyan.*

so for money and a sure and secure (financial) future... marketing, sales, management, or any other stuff like that, is the way. lalo na with a multi-national.

kung engineering habol mo, construction, project management, project engineer, site engineer, okay rin lahat yan.

for me na medyo, ambisyon ko nung grade 6 ako e "to be a scientist".. and at the same time, gusto kong yumaman. damn. ano ba talaga kelangan kong gawin?

kunsabagay, may option na sa isteyts magtrabaho... sa isteyts, may kakilala ako, hindi siya naka-graduate ng college, kaya niya nang buhayin sarili niya, at pamilya niya.

kahit ano trabaho mo don, ayos ka na. civil engineer pa tayo or karamihan sa atin, lalong okay. although, pareho lang naman situwasyon don at dito, mga $4,000 minimum yata nakukuha ng starting registered civil engineers don; dito sa pinas, mga ganon din, pesos nga lang.

* i must comment though that diyan sa san miguel beer add na yan, puro mapuputi at matatangos-ilong na mga pinay lang mga pinakita. ang yayabang ng mga hindi pure bred! oh well, feeling hindi aso kasi.

a good friend is in a state of confusion yet again.

she is not exactly a woman you could consider "ideal".

yes, she has the looks... she has the brains... she's struggling with morality, and with the teachings in the religion that she grew up in...

and there in lies the conflict.

she says she was not brought up well by her mother... not well meaning, she has come to be... "academically ready for the world, socially not," as she would put it. and that's how her mother had raised her... "study well." at the age of ten, she wanted to be a "scientist." she dreamt of making a big discovery or proving a theory such as those by the great scientists that we learn about in elementary and high school. later on in her life, she read about philosophers; philosophy was the father of science, anyway.

often during her youth, because of her model-ish height, her mother's friends ask her, "aren't you going into modeling?" or, "do you play volleyball?" her mother proudly declares, "my daughter is into computers & music." when deciding on which course to take for college, she consults her mother. "mother, which should i take, a b.s. in computer science, or a.b. music?" her mother rejects her and says, "you can't make computers nor music as your career. they're financial dead-ends," as if implying financial abundance meant happiness and contentment. "your dad was an engineer. i really admire engineers. to tell you a secret, two of my ex-boyfriends were engineers. choose an engineering field."

and so engineering she took. and while studying engineering, she spent time with computers and music outside of school. a time that, now at 27 she thought, should have been spent investing in friends and relationships with humans, and not just machines like computers, guitars, and keyboards/synthesizers. not that she had not made any good friends....

now, she is 27, the age at which many rock stars and celebrities passed away, mostly usually self-inflicted, either because of drug abuse, or of suicide.

two years before, she joined a social group within her religion where she has rediscovered a lot about herself. a lot about God. she rediscovered a lot. and discovered quite a whole plethora of new-and-interesting-to-her things related to her religion, to God, to spirituality, to the universe, to science. she restarted reading books, fiction and non-fiction dwelling on various topics from business, to self-help/inspirational, to how-to books. at some point, she had thought of becoming a nun, or to be involved full-time with charity, or with religious teachings (either as a "preacher" herself, or as an assistant to one.) also, as she had dreamt of since her youth, she wanted to write a book that would change the world. alas, in recent years, she has discovered that no one book could change the world. if one thing her mom told her was true, it was that, "you can't change others, only yourself."

now, she is a licensed engineer, struggling with her spirituality. she has gone through one traumatic relationship, and three other failed ones. presently, she had met a man who, to her, would be an "ideal" husband. not that anyone was perfect. but, to her the perfect human is imperfect, or he is no human at all.

just weeks before, her sister told her, in a heated argument, "no one will ever like you!" she got hurt that time. the truth hurts. at that time, she didn't argue back. she told herself, "i will do something about it."

and now the state of confusion is at hand. "what am i here on earth for?" she had not fully accepted rick warren's suggestions in the book, "a purpose-driven life," she read only until chapter 11 of that book.

she has that desire to be a good wife, and a good mother, to a future family. and she has that desire to raise that good family, with a good husband, the man in her life at the present fitting that description quite well. she has that desire to see all that in her future family which she has not seen in her family where she is the eldest daughter of two.

she asks herself as if as another person, "is she good enough?" her quick answer is no. she has much to work on, she thinks. and though many have been attracted to her, for she possesses also some bit of wit and charm, unfortunately, these men did not quite "fit the bill." perhaps she should change herself, her attitude.

on the other hand, there is something that is still inside her, perhaps something that has been imbibed in her since her childhood, that is telling her, "go change the world. you will make a discovery. you will make a difference. write that book."

and she is confused. she is not one to be considered normal; and thus although she has these human desires which seem, at the moment, not practical, she does not know where the other road leads to. discover what?

poor friend of mine. right now, the only help i could give her is, to give her sugar when she runs out of it at home.

- - - - - - - - - - -

there are new posts at the prustrations blog. ideas i have kept since i don't know when. some are comparatively newer. i will develop and expound on them in the years to come. i have decided to publish them here on the RONJBLOG.